by Jennifer Osterday
At the end of August, Kevin and Julie Hall will celebrate their 21st wedding anniversary. The two will agree, however, that it was only by the grace of God that their marriage has lasted for this long.
When the two met more than 20 years ago, they became best friends. The friendship led to dating, and when Kevin eventually popped the question, it seemed right for them to marry. They moved to Louisville for Kevin to begin culinary school. The friendship that had brought them together seemed to disintegrate while they lived in Louisville.
“During that time, our relationship as husband and wife, nobody would know that we were married except by our wedding bands,” Julie said. “The way he talked to me and the way I reacted out in my own resentful way…it really was the beginning of what could have been the end.”
Being young, funds were low and they could only afford one car. Julie admitted that she selfishly kept the car while Kevin was forced to ride her 10-speed bike 20 miles to school and work. Kevin went to school full time and also worked a full time job. The two lived separate lives and Julie was ready to give up.
“I knew that he would never want to get a divorce, but in my heart I knew that I was doing wrong,” Julie said. “I really wanted the divorce because I didn’t want to keep treating him like that, but I had no where else to go.”
They stuck it out; the word “divorce” was not an option for Kevin. So Julie would try to occasionally be the good house wife, but she said her heart just wasn’t in the marriage.
When Kevin’s schooling was finished, the two moved back to Dayton. Julie became a Christian after visiting a Christian Ashram with Kevin and his parents. While she tried to be the “good little house wife and friend” she found that Kevin was still not treating her in a respectful way.
“It was like everything I did, I did alone or with my friends. A lot of infidelity had played a part in all this loneliness feeling,” Julie said.
Julie at one point moved in with a girlfriend, and she was convinced that getting a divorce was the anwer. Kevin wouldn’t give in. His cousin from Alabama, Jimmy, a strong Christian, came to Dayton. Kevin called Julie and asked her to speak with he and Jimmy. Julie reluctantly went. Looking back, Julie said she could see how God was in the midst of that meeting.
Jimmy asked Julie whether she would reconsider her decision on getting a divorce. Julie said, “No,” but that she was willing to talk to him that night. The three decided to kneel and pray together.
“I don’t know what happened from then on. All I know is that the infidelity from that day stopped,” she said.
Not only did the infidelity stop, but reconciliation in the marriage began. Julie moved back in with Kevin and the two began to communicate and be completely honest with each other. Julie asked Kevin for forgiveness. She also began to read more of the Bible and became the wife she knew she should be. Things started to turn around in her life; and ten years into the marriage, she gave birth to their first child, Hunter. The Lord began to work in her. For the first time, Julie understood that no matter what happened, God was going to be there to help her and her marriage.
“Even though our marriage started to blossom, it wasn’t until I began a lasting relationship with Christ that our marriage actually became fruitful,” Kevin said.
As she began to go to church, Julie had hoped Kevin would go as well. He didn’t. And while their relationship had improved, there were still many times Julie felt like Kevin was not the man he should be. One day she found herself at her father-in-law’s grave, asking the Lord to please tell her father-in-law up there that his son was not doing his job.
Julie remembers telling the Lord that day, “I can’t do anything with him. It’s not up to me. He’s yours. You’re going to have to change him; I can’t do it anymore, but I’ll stand by him and I’ll love him, but I’m done trying.”
Her prayer was answered faster than she could imagine thanks in part to Refuge, a Wednesday night service previously held at Apex. After attending an Apex weekend gathering once, Kevin found himself at Refuge. The first night Kevin attended forever changed him. He renewed his relationship with the Lord and decided to begin truly living for Christ.
“Because of her prayers for our marriage and for my soul, it bought me back to a lasting relationship with Christ,” Kevin said. “Once I had that and became the true spiritual leader of the family like I needed to be, then that’s when our marriage really started to blossom.”
Through counseling, communication and their love for the Lord, the Hall’s marriage became healthy and strong. Kevin gave up control of his life and put it in God’s hands. He said, a pivotal realization for him was when he read Ephesians 5:25-27, where it reads:
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
Kevin realized this was how he had to treat Julie. He began to see her as Christ sees her, presenting her spotless and unblemished. Julie said that when Kevin told her this, it was better than any love poem. She understood for the first time that Kevin really did love her.
As the two reflected on their marriage, they couldn’t contain the thankfulness they have for the Lord saving their marriage.
As encouragement toward other couples struggling in their marriage, Kevin said, “Don’t be afraid to save the marriage. It’s just made our relationship so much stronger. You wonder how people after 20, 30, 40 years can have a divorce? Because they haven’t gone through the struggles to make it stronger. They haven’t weathered the storm and come out on top. If they weathered the storm, it makes your marriage so much stronger. I thank God for what happened to us, that we went through what we did. Because if we didn’t, we’d still be struggling right now, and we’d struggle for the next 10, 15 years.”
Tags: testimonies